"I just need to taste your nectar"

[susie_flo]

Oh dear god, I've just spent half an hour hooting with laughter at a thread on twitter.  India Knight asked women to tweet the worst thing a man had ever said to them during sex.  The replies are hilarious....

My personal favs:

• "you really do have big jugs"
  
• "Oh dear"
  
• "What were you thinking about for tea tomorrow?"
  
• (Post coital) "Ahhhhhh... Bisto."
  
• (While giving a blow job) "suck it for Daddy, baby".
  
• (In Aussie accent) "Oh, babe, you're ovulating. That's so beautiful."
  
• "here I come, 3, 2, 1"
  
• "look at this. It's just for you"
  
• (attempting dirty talk) - referred to my "downstairs mucous"
  
• "good girl"
  
• "we should discuss your bonus tomorrow"
• "did you mean to leave that bit unshaved?"
• "I hope I don't hurt you, I know I'm really big."
• "I'm going to hose you down."
  
• "Use it, it's yours"
• "am I making you gooey in your wee-wee?"
  
• "I always suspected the cuffs and collars didn't match"
• (Before climax) "I can't help it but I'm going to glue you to the bed now"
• "The last person who touched me there was a nurse"
• "don't be scared, I just need to taste your nectar" (from Mick Hucknall lookalike)
• Friend had sex with Henry Rollins... At climax he roared 'TAKE THE SEED OF HENRY ROLLINS!'
• "Look at that. It's beautiful isn't it? Yes go on, I know you want to touch it."
• "you're in the wank bank"

I think the winner for sheer awfulness has to be "good girl".  But nectar and wank bank are close behind.

Comments

[gylfinir.livejournal.com]

I'm going to message you with the worst thing I've heard. I really can't publish it here.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

That was nowhere near as dirty as I was expecting :-)

[gylfinir.livejournal.com]

No, it wasn't dirty, but it certainly was the worst. :)

If you want the worst dirty line, then I have a feeling it was from exactly the same person :)

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Yes please!

[gylfinir.livejournal.com]

One of the corniest lines I've had is:

"Why is it that you can kiss a hundred people and feel nothing, yet you can kiss one and the world sings?"

Yeah, I'm your 101st. That makes me feel really special.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Ooh, gorgonzola special

[gylfinir.livejournal.com]

Another line - not during sex, this time, but a general chat-up - that was thrown my way during Placebo's set at Glastonbury was this:

"I milk cows for a living."

I looked the guy up and down, and couldn't resist muttering

"I collect cow heads as a hobby."

I've never seen anyone move so fast.

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

I've had the 'good girl' line, too, but my worst was:

"I'm going to be thinking about you next time I fuck my wife"

I met him while he was on holiday. On his honeymoon, actually.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Ooh, nice and sleazy does it.

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

They were both spectacularly awful. SHe was like that bint out of Abigail's party. I only relly slept with him to win a bte, so I was worse really.

[ms-siobhan.livejournal.com]

I am so glad I read that list long enough after my lunch for it to be safely down and stay down.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Did Mick hucknall challenge your gag reflex?

[ms-siobhan.livejournal.com]

He did, I'd quite like to challenge his gag reflex though - with a baseball bat.

[wardytron.livejournal.com]

I'm totally using 'TAKE THE SEED OF HENRY ROLLINS!' in the near future. The brilliant thing being, as astonishing as it may seem to the naked eye, I'm not Henry Rollins.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Lol! Good luck with that...

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

oh joy, patronising and unneccesary in one hit.