The squalor of the mind

[susie_flo]

Good day to you fiends. Regrettably, I made it into work today, but not before freezing my non-existent nuts off on a Richnond platform for AN HOUR! The web lied to me - I really should have worked from home.

After I arrived, the sordid imaginings of mia_oia managed to incapacitate me at my desk for a good 30 minutes.  There was no way I could explain to my unsuspecting colleagues without causing mental scarring, so I just had to walk away and snigger into my sleeve until it went away.

And as if that were not profound enough for you, I shall now up the ante by sharing my latest inane thoughts on the matter of Sleb BB.

Last night's episode was mainly focused on "Bible with Bubba".  Having been given a copy of the good book, Bill-Bob Baldwin is now heaven-bent on preaching the word to his fellow slebs, going so far as to gather them all on the sofas and getting Stephanie to read out biblical stories.  The people most annoyed by this are Heidi and Lady Soverystupid, who refused to join in.  With any luck he will keep at it long enough to generate big rows and violence!

Personally, given the level of conversation in the house, I think having stories read aloud in the lovely crisp tones of Dame Steph would be the best thing to happen all day (I'd probably be begging for more).

Later on, Billy-bob began telling his disciples about the strength of his belief.  He said... "My faith is so important that if a man got on a bus and pointed a machine gun at my daughter and told her to say that Jesus did not exist..."  and then my TV went all crackly and I didn't hear the punchline.  Tsk!  I wonder how it ended?

Sadly, in the moments when jesus is not being discussed, the conversation hurtles at warp speed towards the toilet.  At one point Billy-Bob started a conversation about the differences between British and American English...  and was instantly drowned out by the ever-classy P3G shouting repeatedly "So, d'you know what a fanny is then?"  

As for the Swede... suffice to say I have TOTALLY gone off him and can no longer imagine WHAT I was thinking.  Among his many unattractive traits, he spent much of last night's episode...
a) Detailing the number of times he wanks in a day
b) Farting (and discussing how much he enjoys farting)
c) Flirting in the most insincere way imaginable with the blank wisp of paper known as Ronnie Wood's ex.

It seems that, in a purely mercenary move, the two of them have decided to be this year's house couple.  Presumably this is in the hope of becoming greater than the sum of their parts (er... so that should add up to about 0.2 then.)

Rather annoyingly, Vinnie Jones has failed to do anything properly irritating or geezer-like so far, but then again it was his birthday so he was probably on good behaviour.  Heaven forbid I should end up accidentally quite liking him...

Steph spends most of her time gasping in horror at the instant coffee, gutter conversation and lack of laundry service (bless!)

Jordan's credulous ex has somehow had his ego boosted by Uncle Bubba to the extent that he now thinks he might be the next James Bond.  Oh dear...

The rest of them are clearly without any interest because I can't even remember who else is in there.  
 
Before bed, G and I killed even more brain cells by watching the countdown of top youtube vids ever, which reminded me about this hilarious video of 'Steath Cat' that I now want to share with you...  

 

 
The winner was a comedy dance-moves video, which led me to ponder on the immense power of dance.  For instance, I think I have now worked out that the single most unattractive thing a man could do in front of me would be to line dance.  No matter how attractive the man, I just couldn't take it.  Conversely, if a total munter (TM Rosa) were to stand in front of me and do really impressive robotoc dancing, I might just want to marry him.  :-)


 

Comments

[kissmeforlonger.livejournal.com]

I have a habit of keeping the TV on while I play on the computer in the bedroom and left it on C4 last night.

Who was the div who didn't know how to pronounce Sov-Rain and was he trying to get into her knickers or what?

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

I think that was Bubba... (later on he tried to convince her that it was a noo-noo-noo-noo twighlight zone stylie act of god when Steph happened to read out the word sovereign as part of her bibliotainment)

[ms-siobhan.livejournal.com]

'keeping the tv on and left it on c4 last night' - admit it you're watching it too *grin*

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

The same thought occurred to me ;-p

[kissmeforlonger.livejournal.com]

No - really. It's background noise and I was watching whatever had been on an hour or so before. It's more of a testament to my sad addiction to Bejewelled on Facebook that I didn't get up and switch it off until the programme after became annoyingly loud.

[ms-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Methinks the lady doth protest too much ;-)

[ms-siobhan.livejournal.com]

Oh wow that cat is absolutely adorable and a bit like Mapp.

So with you on the line dancing front - Mr Pops mother will never succeed in making me in her quest to make us line dance with her. I'd rather drink hemlock. Seriously.

And as for Kriss's 'habit of keeping the tv on' why she just admit she'd addicted to it as you are? *grin* Am loving your write ups and descriptions as it means I get all the pleasure of it without having to sit through it - result!!!

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Stealth cat is both gorgeous and hilarious, I don't think I could ever tire of watching that :-)

As for line dancing, do NOT give in! (But then again, if you do, make sure you get video evidence.)

[ms-siobhan.livejournal.com]

No worries re giving in line dancing wise, Cage Fighter Jordan Loverman would get the Oscar for Best Actor first...which reminds me there is a Steven Seagal film on later and I love those.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Oh good gerrieff! (that video)

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

Now what have you got against Vinnie Jones.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Well I've always had hm down as a total knob, but I am forced to admit that he's been on a bit of a charm offensive so far and is failing to live up to my expectations