These foolish things

Lately I have spent some time appreciating the little things in life that make each day sweet.   While pondering them, I began to think inevitably about the other little things in life that are liable to set off my inner tourettes syndrome.  

So, for no good reason at all, I compiled a list.   If you were doing likewise, what things would be on your celebration list, and what are the other things in life guaranteed to make you a sour puss?
 

All things bright and beautiful

• Having cryptic crossword clues read out to me while lying prone on the sofa (better than being fed grapes)
• A purring cat on my lap
• Morning coffee
• Late evening cheese
• Glancing down a hallway that has a polished wooden floor
• Frying onions
• Feeling yarn in John Lewis
• Fresh fruit on holiday (always more delicious)
• "perspicacity", "vim", "popinjay" and "Minsk"
• Robot servants (bring it on!)
• Powdered pigments (lapis lazuli, alizarin crimson and quinacridone red)
• That lovely September feeling
• French fripperies at a pavement cafe
• Roast potatoes
• Apothecary jars
• Wooden spoons (universal symbol of all things nice)
• Having wildly exciting dreams every night (usually action thrillers)
• Tweedy things
• Autumn (the loveliest of all seasons)
• New boots
• Anticipating my next Lara fix
• Sir Ian McKellen
• Art forgery (the finest of all crimes)
• Romantic revolutionaries (for the first hour or two)

 

All things scabbed and ulcerous

• People who say "myself" for no good reason ("please direct all comments to myself")
• Alarm clocks
• Overly huffy people on the tube, who act outraged and stupidly surprised about having to crush on and stand, just like everyone else
• The inexplicable, simpering halfwits who present breakfast TV on all channels "and now here's the local news, where YOU live"
• Smelly anoraks (how can people not know?)
• Other people's music (it is always just noise)
• TV shows that pretend to be entertainment while sneaking in didactic, population-controlling messages
• Anyone who uses wankwordy office language in their personal life
• Losing the battle to remove cat hair from everything I own
• Waking up and suddenly remembering it's a work day
• Having to wait endlessly for my next Lara fix
• Realising that the best is passed and from here on I am officially high maintenance
• "Nucular weapons" (I mean, really!)
• Anything other than a high-bake water biscuit under my slice of cheese
• Culling season in Richmond Park
• Pointless and cynical Hollywood remakes of old movies (as if there is a shortage of new writers!)
• Being hoovered around (a special combination of guilt and irritation)
• Those silly harem trousers that seem to be back in fashion with the crotch at knee level (see, I put this here as proof in case I suddenly find myself wanting a pair and then try to deny that I am a pathetic, witless slave to fashion)
• Romantic revolutionaries (after the first hour or two)