These foolish things

[susie_flo]

Lately I have spent some time appreciating the little things in life that make each day sweet.   While pondering them, I began to think inevitably about the other little things in life that are liable to set off my inner tourettes syndrome.  

So, for no good reason at all, I compiled a list.   If you were doing likewise, what things would be on your celebration list, and what are the other things in life guaranteed to make you a sour puss?
 

All things bright and beautiful

• Having cryptic crossword clues read out to me while lying prone on the sofa (better than being fed grapes)
• A purring cat on my lap
• Morning coffee
• Late evening cheese
• Glancing down a hallway that has a polished wooden floor
• Frying onions
• Feeling yarn in John Lewis
• Fresh fruit on holiday (always more delicious)
• "perspicacity", "vim", "popinjay" and "Minsk"
• Robot servants (bring it on!)
• Powdered pigments (lapis lazuli, alizarin crimson and quinacridone red)
• That lovely September feeling
• French fripperies at a pavement cafe
• Roast potatoes
• Apothecary jars
• Wooden spoons (universal symbol of all things nice)
• Having wildly exciting dreams every night (usually action thrillers)
• Tweedy things
• Autumn (the loveliest of all seasons)
• New boots
• Anticipating my next Lara fix
• Sir Ian McKellen
• Art forgery (the finest of all crimes)
• Romantic revolutionaries (for the first hour or two)

 

All things scabbed and ulcerous

• People who say "myself" for no good reason ("please direct all comments to myself")
• Alarm clocks
• Overly huffy people on the tube, who act outraged and stupidly surprised about having to crush on and stand, just like everyone else
• The inexplicable, simpering halfwits who present breakfast TV on all channels "and now here's the local news, where YOU live"
• Smelly anoraks (how can people not know?)
• Other people's music (it is always just noise)
• TV shows that pretend to be entertainment while sneaking in didactic, population-controlling messages
• Anyone who uses wankwordy office language in their personal life
• Losing the battle to remove cat hair from everything I own
• Waking up and suddenly remembering it's a work day
• Having to wait endlessly for my next Lara fix
• Realising that the best is passed and from here on I am officially high maintenance
• "Nucular weapons" (I mean, really!)
• Anything other than a high-bake water biscuit under my slice of cheese
• Culling season in Richmond Park
• Pointless and cynical Hollywood remakes of old movies (as if there is a shortage of new writers!)
• Being hoovered around (a special combination of guilt and irritation)
• Those silly harem trousers that seem to be back in fashion with the crotch at knee level (see, I put this here as proof in case I suddenly find myself wanting a pair and then try to deny that I am a pathetic, witless slave to fashion)
• Romantic revolutionaries (after the first hour or two)
  
   

Comments

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

I strongly agree with most of the nice things. Although A purring cat on my lap is all very well, but unfortunately my other half usually has THREE purring cats on her lap. This makes using the computer somewhat vexing, especially when they all decide to start fighting.

People who say "myself" for no good reason ("please direct all comments to myself")

Allow me to direct this BIG POINTY STICK into yourself.

Overly huffy people on the tube, who act outraged and stupidly surprised about having to crush on and stand, just like everyone else

Ah, this links directly to my theories about people who think they're SO FUCKING SPECIAL. THe ones who push in in queues. The ones who see a queue of traffic in the lane for the car park, drive past the queue in the other lane and then cut in (similar to when a lane disapears on the motorway and they stay in it until the last second then push in). People who overtake you as soon as the ambulance has gone by before you get the chance to pull away again. People who are treat shop assistants like imbeciles. In other words, people who think they are SO FUCKING SPECIAL.

"and now here's the local news, where YOU live"

For those who were unware of what "local" means. Have you ever watched "Your News" on News24? Gaaah!

Anyone who uses wankwordy office language in their personal life

Unless it's for comedic effect.

Culling season in Richmond Park

But think of all that venison!

Pointless and cynical Hollywood remakes of old movies

KILL! KILL! KILL!The Wicker Man, The Ladykillers, Psycho, Cape Fear, THE HAUNTING, Halloween (which isn't even that old!)...

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

"my other half usually has THREE purring cats on her lap."
ooh, jealous!

"Allow me to direct this BIG POINTY STICK into yourself."
Heh... well said. (Yourself is just as bad)

"Ah, this links directly to my theories about people who think they're SO FUCKING SPECIAL...."
Couldn't agree more. What these tossers need to realise is that, while they may be the stars of their own tiresomely plotted lives, they barely even register as extras on anyone else's. Humility, now there's a nice thing.

"Have you ever watched "Your News" on News24? Gaaah! "
Oh don't tempt me. I already shout at the TV every morning... the devil alone must have created Bill Turnbull, just for sport.

"KILL! KILL! KILL!The Wicker Man, The Ladykillers, Psycho, Cape Fear, THE HAUNTING, Halloween (which isn't even that old!)... "
...not to mention the endless remakes of Japanese horror movies.

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

Here are my cats:

http://pics.livejournal.com/ivory_goddess/pic/0002k562/

http://pics.livejournal.com/ivory_goddess/pic/0002pc22/

http://pics.livejournal.com/ivory_goddess/pic/0002q5yc/

http://pics.livejournal.com/ivory_goddess/pic/0002eeqq/

After all, what is the internet for if not for cat photos?

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Ooooh cat porn - they're gorgeous. Number one looks like a total love muffin. Number two is seriously pretty and number three has a hilariously grumpy expression. The multi-cat pile up is hard core...

Here's my little old lady:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1158/1442646746_d8747ed160_b.jpg

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

Hurrah for languid cats! That's so cute!

The first one is Josh, he's immense (at least 12lbs), brainless, adorable, and chews everything. He also plays fetch. The second one, CJ, is two thirds of his weight. She wrinkles her forehead like a shar-pei, and likes to roll around on the carpet or to jump up things. They're just about to hit 1 year old and are littermates. And yes, are indeed named after West Wing characters.

The third one is Lex (short for Alexis - I was watching a lot of Dynasty on UK Gold when we first got her and her late sister, who was named Cassie after Kate O'Mara's character), who's 14 now. She's also totally blind and has glaucoma, hence the rather Jack Elam-like eye. She's actually very affectionate, except when Josh keep annoying her. She's also tiny, weighing about 6lbs.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Your cats look like pedigrees. I especially love Lex, she's adorable. Mine is tiny too, though she's had a disproportionately fat belly for most of her life (as in that picture, above). But even at her biggest she only weighed about 8 pounds. These days she's a bag of bones, coming up to age 17, and probably weighs about 6lbs, if that.

She used to play fetch when she was little and sporty... any screwed up piece of paper was fair game. And in our old place she liked to catch frogs and freakishly enormous stag beetles and bring them in the house alive (seriously, no insect ought to be that big.)

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

Yep, they're blue Burmese (and Lex is a chocolate point). We got a discount on Josh because he was born with a flat ribcage (making him merely exorbitant rather than terrifyingly expensive), but it's sorted out now. We went pedigree for guaranteed personality types (affectionate and inquisitive), and ones that would be happy to stay indoors.

[kissmeforlonger.livejournal.com]

Realising that the best is passed and from here on I am officially high maintenance

I take it that's in the 'insists on lots of expensive face creams that are targeted at women in their 30s onwards these days' sense, rather than the 'have suddenly decided to become a drama queen' sense!

Personally I prefer butter puffs, and it's particularly pleasurable if they're vegan.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Ha! I wish I could say drama queen, as a purposeful life change, that could be lots of fun. But sadly you have me sussed with your damned scary insightfulness... (I succumbed to the Clarins counter's eye wrinkle cream only this afternoon!)

Butter puffs, eh? Not sure I've ever tried those...

[kissmeforlonger.livejournal.com]

Are you sure you really need it? *peers more closely*

They are crumbly layers of wafer a bit like vol au vents. Very good with cream cheese.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Bless you, but I think you hold the patent on eternally wrinkle-free skin :-)

[steer.livejournal.com]

Art forgery (the finest of all crimes)

Aren't you worried about the danger of Ian McShane? Art forgery can cause him to appear.

Being hoovered around

By Glen or by Roomba. If it was roomba you could just imagine it was nuzzling you affectionately.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Good god, you have a dark imagination.... Ian McShane indeed.

And yes, the hoover thing only relates to a person. At worst, Roomba gets an indulgently affectionate "Oh, Mrs Norris! Tsk" ...and any feelings of guilt induced by my loony need to anthropomorphise her are offset by the excited little tune that she plays when you switch her on... like she totally loves hoovering and it's the highlight of her day. She plays another one when she's finished, as if to say "ta-daaaa!" (Hence the beauty of robot servants).

[steer.livejournal.com]

Ha... I love the fact that you have a pet name for your Roomba. I wish I lived somewhere big enough to get one!

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

You're just finding excuses not to get one. As long as your floor has 1 foot of width to traverse, you can have a lovely Roomba. You know you want to.

[steer.livejournal.com]

But our floor seriously doesn't have 1 foot width to traverse apart from the hall. I think a roomba would commit suicide.

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

Aren't you worried about the danger of Ian McShane?

Since "Deadwood" he's become a bit of a sex symbol toa whole new generation who never saw him in his tight-jeans-and-mullet years.

[steer.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone here is part of that generation though. Surely to us he will always remain a bit lechy and worrying.

[r0ck3tsci3ntist.livejournal.com]

Hello! Sorry to intrude. Came over here from "knitting." Anyone with cones of cashmere laying around is worth reading about. Great list! Polished floors, wooden spoons and new boots really are a winning combination.

And yeah, those outraged people on tube make me laugh.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Hello there, pleased to meet you and happy to have you here! I had a nice little look around your LJ too when I saw your gorgeous jumper.

I only just joined Knitting today... (am in the middle of a big knit-fad, making silk baby shoes right now.) I love posh yarns! :-P