Take me on a roller coaster, take me for an airplane ride

[susie_flo]

Welcome to my meandering, waffly rantfest of the day.  (Having read it through, I decided I should at least give sub-headings...)

Breaking news! 
My other half has has just announced the official best thing since sliced bread.  Apparently it is Soreen ready-sliced malt loaf...  yes, it now comes sliced!  Never again need you try to butter those sticky squished up blobs that stick to the knife and won't slice properly.


Drink your weak Lemon Drink Now... (TV-related ranting)

I'm starting to feel very frustrated by TV.  I've been doggedly watching Merlin, though it really isn't good enough (Anthony Head, I'm disappointed in you).  In fact it is a prime example of the not-good-enough that fills up 90% of our TV schedules.  The makers have clearly decided not to bother with historical accuracy - this is not a problem (after all we're talking about Merlin here).  The problem is that there is absolutely no wit or flair in the writing. The plots are thin and predictable and the dialogue is weak. Yet they've obviously spent loads of money on it, so what's going on?  Either they did not bother to seek out any decent writers or someone is watering down the writing to a level of one-size-fits-all blandness that is just soul destroying.   

I'm sick of things not being good enough... why are TV bosses watering down our TV?  Why do documentaries all have to feature endless 'human interest' diversions that go off the point, and then waste most of the episode repeating the basic premise 300 times until even any listening embryos have got the point, rather than taking the subject to a more complex or challenging level?  Why are the comedy slots all taken up by panel shows with the same, repetitive little in-circle of guests who are only moderately funny at best?  How come Harry Hill's TV Burb started out funny in series 1, and then evolved to the point that he now has to include slapstick celebrity guest appearances and excruciating comedy songs?  How many more village-based forensic pathologists do we need? 

One only has to surf LJ for a day or two to see that there is a seemingly renewable stream of witty and erudite writers available.   It makes me blazing mad that there may be hoardes of talented writers out there with original ideas, brilliant plot lines and clever characterisation that will never get heard because the endless stream of bland rubbish is using up all of the available space.  It's not as if I'm asking for anything high brow....  I just want to be entertained.   I suppose I could concede that TV in the 70s and 80s was even worse, but that's not really an excuse. 

TV people, sort it out!


Full of turrety goodness....  (gaming-related angst)

While pondering other uses for my TV screen...  I'm still dithering about whether Fallout 3 will be my cup of tea (not usually being into RPGs)...   I spose it might fill a gap while I wait for lovely Lara. 

Then there is the endlessly-delayed release of this intriguing looking number...    www.computerandvideogames.com/article.php which looks like Twin Peaks meets Silent Hill.   Made by Microsoft...  will it contain lots of evil bugs? 

And what about Dead Space.  Do I want it?  I have no idea... it's been ages since a game came out that I was genuinely gagging to play.   Game makers, sort it out!


Yes my eyes are square... (random film-related waffle)

Onto yet more screeny matters, The Orphanage is currently winging its way to me from Lovefilm.  Has anyone seen it?  I hear it's mightily creepy...  there's no way I'm watching it on my own.  Theoretically, Lovefilm will soon be sending me the following... In Bruges,  21, Gone baby Gone and No Country for Old men.  All very mainstream...  I seem to have run out of Korean thrillers.

The last film I saw was The Counterfeiters, which is well worth a watch.  Not exactly upbeat (concentration camp and all that) but it has some lovely forgery in it.  I liked the sentiment... "why make money making art, when I can make it by making money"

Meanwhile I'm gagging for someone to make a really good action thriller in 3D.  How come nobody does that?  (And come to think of it, how come there's no 3D stuff on telly?)

Yeek...  I think I'd better switch off my television set and go out and do something less boring instead.

Comments

[steer.livejournal.com]

Hmm... well, I'm holding off buying Far Cry 2 (which looks great) to play Fallout 3.

If you want something a bit off the wall for the PC try the demo of "World of goo". http://2dboy.com/faq.php

It might appeal to your geek side but might not. The actual game is a bit short though but then it only costs $20 so if you like the demo it's worth a go.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Cool, I'll try anything if it's a free demo! Is it puzzly? (I may wait for the Linux version actually cos G has hooked up a Linux machine to our big new living room telly...)

You have kind of sold me on Fallout 3. (I assume I would not need to bother playing Fallout 1 & 2 first?) I may wait for some inevitabe youtube demos showing the gameplay and see if I like the look. The Graphics and game premise seem great though.

So, have you got a copy in your sticky little paw, or is it tomorrow that it comes out?

[steer.livejournal.com]

Fallout 3 won't be out for a couple of weeks whereas Far Cry 2 is out now. You can find loads of Fallout 3 demo vids around.

http://uk.gamespot.com/showcases/fallout3?om_act=convert&om_clk=gsupdates&tag=updates;title;1

Fallout 2 is pretty old now so you won't need to have played it. The basic story of both is about people who have lived in a nuclear survival bunker (the vault) being driven by necessity to leave the vault and explore the wastelands around them.

World of Goo is a windows puzzler -- give the demo a download. It's pretty basic graphics wise so doesn't need the huge TV treatment. Supposedly there will be linux versions soon.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Thanks - for the vid link and the info. I like puzzlers, so I will download goo :-)

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Ooh - I just watched the first demo video... it does look good. (Mind you I can see myself getting caught up for hours inside the vault fiddling around with beard styles.)

[steer.livejournal.com]

Actually, you might want to try the Beyond Good and Evil demo here.

http://www.ubi.com/US/Downloads/Info.aspx?dlId=92

It's getting on now but it's one of my favourite games ever. It's cartoony but I think if you like Lara you might like Jade the heroine of Beyond Good and Evil.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link. I would love to play it. Only thing is I am not sure whether I have the right sort of PC... none of our machines are gaming machines (I think they lack the right graphic cards & stuff). I've tried to download proper games occasionally and they just stick :-(

[steer.livejournal.com]

Beyond Good and Evil is pretty old so should run on anything.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Yippee - will have a look this eve!

[steer.livejournal.com]

I'm totally evangelistic about Beyond Good and Evil so I hope you enjoy it.

Do you watch Zero Punctuation by the way?

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation

Videos are not safe for work unless you're an academic or researcher.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

I've not see that before... (will save it for the safety of my home sofa!)

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

That's bloody briliant!
I just watched the vids for Silent Hill & Braid... very funny indeed

[childeric.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about the pre-sliced Soreen malt loaf. I mean, yes, it's convenient, but I've never yet had a pack that wasn't a bit dry. Maybe I've just been unlucky and had the bad apples, but I'm not sure you can beat the lush juicy unsullied perfection of the real thing.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

G says stop buying your Soreen in Hackney. Come back to beautiful Richmond, the hope of moist, malty goodness. (We have a lovely sliced loaf on the go right now!)

[childeric.livejournal.com]

Actually I'm going to be over there this weekend!

I think it's time for a little experiment. Are artsy middle-class Soreen sliced malt loaves from leafy places with TW postcodes really better than those in humble east London? I shall report back...

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Lets hope so.... though they may lack the ritzy glam chic of E17.

[childeric.livejournal.com]

Well, there is that... ;)

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

By the way... I saw a picture of you looking all freshly shorn and, by god, quite a bit younger! Have to say, you look good.

[childeric.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It took an awful lot of agonising in advance over whether to do it or not, but I can honestly say since having it done I haven't once regretted it. :)

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

I've never malt loaf. I think it's because I was traumatised by being made to take malt supplement when I was a child, which was vile. I can't abide Horlicks either.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Wow - your mother must have been as deranged and sadistic as mine. I was given malt extract too... a terrible, thick, gloopy liquid in a bottle. Not to mention brewers yeast tablets.

Malt loaf, however, is yummylicious - you're missing out.

[ljwitch.livejournal.com]

oh the Brewer's Yeast - I'd forgotten about those. Enormous brown tablets covered in fur. What was she thinking?

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Lord knows, but thanks to her I did discover the interesting factoid that cats totally love them! (Any cat-owners out there should stop buying cat treats and buy a jar of brewers yeast tablets instead... they will sit up and beg for one.)

[r0ck3tsci3ntist.livejournal.com]

I'm sick of things not being good enough... why are TV bosses watering down our TV? Why do documentaries all have to feature endless 'human interest' diversions that go off the point, and then waste most of the episode repeating the basic premise 300 times until even any listening embryos have got the point, rather than taking the subject to a more complex or challenging level?

Because they think we're stupid. And based on the voting proclivities of %52 of the populous of the US, I'm not sure I blame them. *le sigh*

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean... but it's a bit of a vicious circle. British TV is becoming more patronising by the day, and in the end it just makes us all mentally lazy.

Some of our better TV comes from the US these days... in fact I'm watching Family Guy right now as I type :-)

[kissmeforlonger.livejournal.com]

Why do documentaries all have to feature endless 'human interest' diversions that go off the point, and then waste most of the episode repeating the basic premise 300 times until even any listening embryos have got the point, rather than taking the subject to a more complex or challenging level?

Because it's incredibly cheap to make a documentary with as few facts as possible so you can spread them out over several films rather than just a single one densely packed with facts, thus generating a lot more advertising revenue.

I think the same logic is being the annoying summary of the previous ten minutes' worth of programme that comes immediately after the ads have finished. Cos yes, we're very likely to have forgotten what happened ten minutes ago like so many overgrown goldfish.

Why are the comedy slots all taken up by panel shows with the same, repetitive little in-circle of guests who are only moderately funny at best?

Ah, but if you mean things like Mock the Week or Eight out of Ten Cats or HIGNFY or Would l lie to you then I have to defend them because I think the clique members are funny :-P

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Totally agree about the endless recaps!

As for panel shows, I do mean those exact programmes... it's not that the guests are not funny in themselves, but they are becoming so overexposed. Also they tend to be funnier when doing their own real thing, such as stand up, rather than the rushed, churned out stuff that these shows seem to specialise in. I'd like to see more variety too... humour ought to be kept fresh. Having said that, I think I miss Chris Morris...

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

The current documentary style drives me mad.

First 10 minutes telling you what you're going to see in the documentary. Then a commercial break. Then 5 minutes telling you that they're about to tell you about X, then they tell you, then they tell you what you're going to see after the break. Next segment "The first thing we showed you was this, and now we're going to show you this other thing. And after the break we'll be telling you about this other thing too". Another break. Then they recap what they've already told you in the first three aparts, have the "gosh wow" moment of conclusion, then end. And throughout there are sputrious CG recreations or actors earning the Equity standard rate for a non-speaking appearance dressed in a loincloth or something and looking profound.

Even intelligent documentaries have to have a narrative now, often including spurious travails which are then overcome. And don't get me started on a) lots of long shots of the presenter driving to somewhere, and b) sprious shots of the presneter in the bath, riding a camel, or sampling local food whilst talking about quantum physics or whatever.

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

God yes. And then there's the frankly bizarre camera work. When did it become the fashion to invite people to speak on a documentary and then spend the whole interview zooming in on their nasal hair or ingrowing toenails? It is so deeply unflattering - you'll get some poor female academic sitting in a library talking seriously about her subject, while the whole time, unbeknown to her, the camera is closing in on a rogue chin hair that the viewers at home are not permitted to ignore.

[sara-lou.livejournal.com]

The Orphanage is terrifying. I watched it on my own and hide to hide in the kitchen several times because I was too scared to go back to where the PC was and turn it off. No Country for Old Men is wonderfully horrible, In Brudges is fantastci. Hmm. I guess I am very mainstream... (Excuse typos in this if any, for some reason the comments box is light grey font and tiny tiny tiny... I can't see a thing I am typing).

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

"I watched it on my own and hide to hide in the kitchen several times"
Ooh, you're a braver woman than me... I'm almost too scared to watch it at all! (I am a right namby pamby when it comes to scary ghost children.)

"In Bruges is fantastic."
I keep hearing that, can't wait to see it!

"for some reason the comments box is light grey font and tiny tiny tiny... "
Yeah, that bugs me too. Why why why did someone make such a silly design decision?

soreen

[ljwitch.livejournal.com]

hurrah, I understand how G feels. The gloopy bits of Soreen stuck to the knife and my teeth. Maybe now I can eat it without wearing it!!

Re the telly - yup, lots of unintelligent rubbish on air, lots of intelligent writers out there - maybe they haven't yet squirmed their way into the luvvie sets to get their scripts noticed.

but if we all turn off and go and do something.... then no-one is watching Heroes! Super powers, melting hands, girls that heal, men that fly... this is superb story writing, albeit a bit Hollywood now and then, but with its genetic back story and CG world-wide shots, it's just fabulous, 'out-there' TV.

Re: soreen

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

I am watching heroes, and true it's not bad. I loved the first series. This current was one was leaving me a bit cold until last night's episode which had a few good shockers in it!

Mohinder is a lot sexier now he's stopped being so po faced (though the insect goo puts me off). Sylar's eyebrows do all of the acting for him. Claire's dad (glasses man) seems to have gone totally off the rails. Peter Petrelli's wonky mouth get wonkier every episode.

These glossy US shows seem to be kicking the arse of most recent British offerings. We're watching The Wire on dvd at the mo, which is pretty good. I liked Dexter, too.

Re: soreen

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

I just knew Mohionder was going to do a Jeff Goldblum. I'm glad he's now evil, as it makes him a lot less FECKING BORING. His opening narrative bits make me think of those awful bits of sub "thought for the day" nonsense Mandy Patinkin used to spout at the beginning/end of Criminal Minds.

Have you noticed how much Angela Petrelli is really Livia from I Claudius? And YAY Robert Forster!

Re: soreen

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

Blimey... just googled Livia and I see what you mean. (Though I am used to thinking of Angela as Sharon Osborne meets Cherie Blair.)

Now that Mohinder is evil, the wooden voice-overs seem to have moved to the almost-as-boring Nathan... (which is a shame cos I would have preferred evil voiceovers.)

Re: soreen

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

If you haven't seen I Claudius, you really need to. OK so the sets and lighting are ropey, but the entire english acting profession being fabulous for 11 hours? Christopher Biggins as Nero? Can't argue with that.

What's awful about Nathan being boring is that Adrian Pasdar can do so much more. I strongly recommend the series "Profit" that he did about 15 years ago in which he was an amoral sociopathic charmer murdering and scheming his way up the corporate ladder, whislt sleeping in a cardboard box every night due to childhood traume. And even his canadian series "Mysterious Ways" in which he played a college professor investigating miracles was fab.

Re: soreen

[the-meanest-cat.livejournal.com]

You're a TV black belt! You're gonna have to call me grasshopper :-p
Profit sounds good...

the trouble with when people mention I Claudius is that I always get it wrong and picture Up Pompeii! For some reason the two are fused in my brain.

Re: soreen

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

I forgot to say - in Profit Pasdar also spends a lot of time with his top off, which 15 years ago was well worth seeing.

I don't think Up Pompeii had John Hurt eating his incestuously conceived baby out of the abdomen of his sister. Although it would have been fun - "Salute" *gomph*.